If this blog is an Anglican Journey, then there are major gaps in the journey with regard to communication! I am happy to try to get some of my thoughts down again.
The other day I was struck by what a moron I am.
After hearing a call for help with an activity involving one of my kids, I responded. I thought I was pretty qualified to help and could have a lot of fun with the kids.
I sent an email to answer the inquiry and when I got no response I decided to go with my child and introduce myself and offer my services.
What I encountered was someone who seemed to have little interest in me or my help. They seemed singularly disinterested in my 25 years of experience and my obvious, unparalleled gifting.
That didn't feel good. I was hurt. Don't you know how great I am and how lucky you are to be blessed with my presence? You asked for help and I am here!
There was a lot I didn't know like fingerprinting, forms and special permissions. I was told that I could assist with bringing snacks and giving rides. Ouch. What am I a soccer mom?!
(That is not to belittle soccer moms but to show what an idiot I am). While having the conversation with this gal, I noted a few things about her dress, hair and demeanor that lead me to judge her in my small mind.
I shared my hurt and opinion with a few other people. The picture I painted of the other person wasn't flattering in light of my obvious graciousness and abilities. She must be crazy.
The following day my child needed a form and I was to bring it with my when I picked her up. I would meet this person again. Wanting to avoid stinging rejection and to keep from having my opinions further grounded I waited for things to end before joining the group.
What greeted me was a total surprise.
I was greeted with a pleasant smile and an introduction. I happily shook hands and mentioned that we had met the day before. A look of embarrassment came across her face as she quickly noted I looked very different than I did the day before. Remembering how I dress on the day I am currently living is a stretch let alone how I dressed the day before. I made some crappy joke which was greeted with a polite laugh.
What followed was an engaging conversation with a young, active, intelligent and very talented person. She was nothing like I had made her out to be in my mind. I was crushed by my lack of love for another and my critical spirit.
I can be such a moron sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I am not the only one who does this. However common the experience may be, given that God has been so gracious to me, who am I to behave in such a way? Can you get more prideful? I am so grateful for the love of God. I am so grateful that even though I am a complete boob, he gently shows me another way of living.
I am now happily going through the motions of getting certified to help. I will serve with joy and with a sense of privilege. I am happy to help in any way I can and to assist someone who God has given me new eyes for. Nobody knows what happened.
He is so merciful, he allows me to eat humble pie in private.